Miracles (Betty's story part 2)

(continuation of Obstacles: Betty's story part 1)

Leaving China was difficult. Not that Betty was sad to leave, but it had taken so much effort to get to where she was: She had endured many obstacles getting her education. Her family interfered with her education. She was verbally and sometimes physically abused. She was also the family “maid” who toiled at hand washing the soiled laundry, while her spoiled brother and sister got to indulge in idyllic pastimes like playing the piano. This disruptive family life lead to anger, and caused her to act out by fighting other kids at school, even taking out her anger on boys who happened to get in her way.

The communist government was another factor in Betty’s difficulty with education. They decided to punish bourgeois families, considering any family that knew English, had their own business, or had money to be in need of reeducation, so they sent them to work farms. The communists, however, did not believe this reeducating included basic education in schools, and so they closed them. After Mao died the schools reopened and Betty jumped at the opportunity to apply to get into college. But it would require much “catching up.” A learned neighbor offered to tutor Betty when she needed it. This was very exciting news to her. Even though Betty had never  talked to him before this, he was a neighbor who lived nearby. Most likely he probably had observed Betty’s situation for a while. In offering to help her, he was essentially offering her a chance to get out of the situation she was in.

All the studying with a tutor finally paid off. The government reopened the higher schools of learning in 1977. In 1978, Betty applied for college and was accepted. The government would pay for her tuition, a nice touch seeing as how it had denied her the ability to be educated during her early years. They also gave her $18 a month for food because she had worked before college. She made many friends in college, some of whom she keeps in touch with even today. Upon graduation she took a “high-paying” job assigned to her by the government earning $10 a month! There were no choices, the government decided that for her.

Betty desired to learn more; she knew she could do better, so she looked into continuing her education in the U.S. She knew leaving China would take a lot of luck. The country was still in trouble from the communist economic ideology. Where would she get the money for such a venture?? 

As “luck would have it” her Uncle Lo from Singapore agreed to sponsor her education in the U.S!! He paid the tuition quarterly and sent her a monthly amount of $300 to cover room and board! This was surprising to Betty because he had reportedly commented to Betty’s Mom that Betty would never amount to anything! Betty only remembered seeing him pass her by when he visited her parents. She was about 10 at the time. Looking back she presumed that what her Mom said was true. After all, she was a snotty-nosed, sickly kid who failed all her subjects! Betty recalls that her nose was so drippy that her sleeve was shiny from wiping her nose on it! Now here was her Uncle offering to help sponsor her! More amazingly she was the only one in the family he sponsored! He did not sponsor the other siblings or cousins who also wanted to go to the U.S. Betty could only surmise that she was the beneficiary of such kindness due to the fact that she was the only one of the three children who decided to go to college. Her cousins wanted to go but didn’t get accepted. Her sister and brother had no such desire; they didn’t even apply!

When the time came to leave finally China,  Betty gathered up her few belongings that fit into two suitcases, the $60 the Chinese government permitted her to carry out, and some money from her Dad. Not much, she thought, but it would get her to her friends apartment in Seattle. From there she could get a fresh start. Life would be better.

On the plane one American lady befriended her, and after realizing Betty would never make it to her next destination with her limited funds, advised her on getting the free shuttle to a hotel, and getting a taxi from there.

Her first time to meet an African American was the taxi driver who took her to her friend’s apartment.  He rang up her apartment number on the keypad, but upon getting no one to answer told Betty no one was there. Betty said that she could stay there and wait, but he advised her not to stay outside  because it was the memorial weekend, and being concerned for her welfare and correctly deducing that she was new to the country, he took her to the YMCA! There she found a kitchen, found some old bread, and ate one piece!! That was it. She had nothing else to eat.

Finally, Betty got a hold of her friend. She wasn’t even expecting Betty! At least Betty had her friend’s number! When she realized they were both on the same street, 5th Avenue, she tried walking to her friend’s apartment. After walking, and more walking, and still more walking, Betty finally took the advice of a fellow on the street corner and went to a bus stop! Shortly thereafter, she was reunited with her friend. Though she didn’t realize it, God was already watching over her again, helping her along the way through the kindness of strangers.

First, she had to find affordable housing as she could not stay with her friend. In the first situation, she rented a room in a boarding house. As she was walking down the hallway  one day she passed by another room where the door was slightly ajar. The noise inside made her curious. Peering inside she saw a man pushing a funny contraption back and forth.  In wonder she asked, “What is that!?” “A vacuum cleaner!” he responded. He let her try it. Oh my! She no longer needed to get down on her knees to wipe the dust off the floor! At the same residence she discovered and learned about the washing machine! Now she wouldn’t have to do all the wash by hand in cold water like she did in China! 

The second situation she found was a house where she rented a room from a lady who told Betty that she was a Christian. The room she rented to Betty was very small. It only had room for a bed and a desk. There was a small closet, but, she was informed, it contained a ghost!! Of course, this scared Betty, making it hard for her to ever feel comfortable in that room. On another occasion, Betty told her landlady that she needed a blanket. She was told she had to go buy her own blanket, and that she would drive Betty to go get one. But then she informed Betty that she also had to pay for the gas for her car! Already short on money, these extra expenses were unexpected and made getting by more difficult. The landlady then started adding other expectations on Betty like “mow the lawn!” (with no pay), and, by the way, do it with a push mower, i.e. NO MOTOR! It became apparent to Betty this was not going to work. Is this what a christian is like?? Betty was not impressed, but the impression would stay with her.

Betty went looking for another room situation!! She found a three story house with a room for rent on the second story, but after a year when the rent was going to be more expensive, she moved to the 3rd floor room in the attic. The people who owned this house were friendly. They were very kind to Betty, and taught her a lot of things. She stayed there until she got married. 

Work and school ensured that life was very busy. Enrolled in Washington State University to study hotel and restaurant management, she also learned you could not cross the freeway on foot!  When she asked her fellow students how to cross the freeway the whole room erupted in laughter! It would be the first of many new experiences, and of making many new friends. Gradually she was adjusting to life in the United States.

She met Tony Hawkins in Seattle. After dating for a while, they were married in 1985.

In 1986 she had a baby, Linda. Life had been busy, but it became busier still!! Working 5 days a week to manage a Wendy’s plus the two days she had off as an apartment manager, left her with little time to enjoy being a mother. But it did help reduce the cost of rent. Her extra work was also necessary to help put her husband through college to finish his undergrad, something he had been inclined not to do since he was smart enough to understand computer programming without a degree. Nonetheless, Betty, with her appreciation for education, encouraged him to go back to school. He started a master’s degree, but didn’t want to finish.

After being unable to find work in Seattle, her husband Tony went to a job fair and accepted a position with the Super Collider project in Waxahachie. In 1992 they moved to Texas, and Betty finally had the time to be a stay-at-home Mom with her daughter, something she had wanted to do for a while.

Tony was good at software and building the circuit boards for computers, so even though he didn’t have a masters, he got hired on with the supercollider where most of the guys had a doctorate. Because he didn’t have a higher degree, he was paid only $36,000. But they got by. 

Betty didn’t drive much. She had no desire to drive on the freeway, let alone try to cross it on foot!! And so, when her new friend, Kim, whose husband also worked with the Super Collider, offered to drive her other places, Betty was glad to take her up on her offer. Kim took her everywhere; on one trip they were visiting a friend, Lucille, and Betty saw her collection of hand-painted china that she had done. Betty was amazed! She had never seen anything like it before!  

Lucille encouraged her to learn to do china painting, so when Betty got her driver’s license, she went back to Lucille’s house and learned the basics of mixing paint. She joined a china painting club that Lucille belonged to and went on to learn more about china painting from the other club members. In 1995 she sold her first painted plate for $30!

After that she wanted to paint all the time!! It wasn’t long before she got her own kiln!! She painted everyday. And she gardened to her heart’s content; she grew all kinds of fruits, vegetables,flowers, and trees. She even had a koi pond. Life was good.

Then the unthinkable happened. The Super Collider didn’t survive the budget cuts and in 1994 it

shut down. Since Tony took care of the computer systems he wasn’t out of a job right away and could have worked longer until the collider was completely shut down. But he was let go because of a dispute with his boss and so he was out of work. Tony started to do contract work. In 2004 Betty took a job at Target to make ends meet.

It had been 19 years since Betty had left China. Her first trip back was a trip she organized for six of her friends, her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law, to see The Three Gorges.  While at the Forbidden City, she asked the calligrapher to write one word for her in Chinese. The one word, beautifully written, was peace. She liked the word peace; if only she could find inner peace.

But back home in the states contract work for Tony was very spotty. One company he worked for had its’ main office in California. The other office, the tech side of the business, was in Toronto. He had to go there once a month. The company hired another person to work with him who lived in Toronto. He trained her and worked with her for a while. Previously Betty had traveled there and had met many of his co-workers, so they knew her. When they began to suspect that something was going on between Tony and the newly trained employee, they were very upset. When his boss found out he fired both of them. 

When Betty learned about this, she was very distraught! Friends and family took her side, and even Tony’s childhood friend’s were supportive of her. But none of this helped. He was still determined to continue his new relationship.

After being separated for thirty years, Betty reconnected with her ½ brother and ½ sister in China, who were kinder to Betty than her full-blooded brother and sister.  Betty told her half-sister about Tony losing his job, but didn’t mention the other problem. Her sister asked if Tony would be interested in doing business in China because she had contacts. Betty knew he could do computer programming in China. She also knew a mutual friend that worked at the Super Collider with Tony who was a very good programmer. Betty suggested they invite her to go along on the trip to China, but he wanted to take his “co-worker” from Toronto, who was also a programmer. 

So in 2003 Betty organized another trip, including Tony’s “co-worker”, in hopes of having a turnaround in their financial circumstances.  She also hoped that a new business venture for her husband would keep him from leaving her, but It became apparent to all on the trip that her husband had more on his mind than a future doing business in China. He was still interested in his co-worker. Betty was devastated. Upon returning to the US, Betty did all she could to persuade Tony not to continue the relationship, but to no avail. Various attempts at intervention failed.

How did things end up like this? All her hard work, and dreams of a better life in the United States, were evaporating. Gone were the thoughts from the bookmark that God leaves the best for those who leave the choice to Him. She didn’t even know that she could cast all her cares upon Him. And her cares were many.

After many months of trying to work things out, Betty and her husband sought out a counselor. They found one, but after listening to them, the counselor chewed Tony out!! Not willing to return to him, Tony sought another counselor. 

The next counselor didn’t offer much help either. He realized nothing he could say would make Tony change his mind. So instead of counseling for reconciliation, he advised Tony to think of his own happiness,  and he also counseled Betty to think of her own happiness, too. But how could divorce bring happiness?? Seeing Betty’s crushed spirit, and out of concern for her well-being, the counselor asked Betty if she would ever consider attending a church?  Maybe some spiritual input would help her find peace.

Betty thought this might help, so she scanned the phone book. Which church? She wanted a non-denominational church. Well, here’s one that says Bible Church. Maybe that would be a good choice. Perhaps it would help her understand the Bible. She called, and getting the pastor on the other end of the line, her only question was, “Is this a non-denominational church?” Yes, he assured her, it is. He told her the time and location and encouraged her to come.

Upon entering the church that first Sunday, she realized that this church didn’t fit the picture she had in her mind. The picture of church that she had in her mind was a place where candles were lit and people kneeled. Waxahachie Bible church didn’t fit the picture!

As the pastor looked out that morning and scanned the audience, a new face stood out. A Chinese lady! Waxahachie Bible Church had not had many Chinese come through its doors as Waxahachie didn’t have many Chinese living there! Who was she? And what brought her here? Curious and caring, he had to find out!

But he couldn’t catch her. She came in quickly and departed quickly from the closest exit each Sunday! She was not eager to talk to anyone. But the subject matter the pastor was preaching on about family relationships brought her back time and again. 

One Sunday, not to be outdone, the pastor walked by before the service started and placed his business card on her purse. It said, “CALL ME!!” Persistent fellow, what did he want to talk to me about? Seeing that he was the “big boss who stood on the stage”, she knew she needed to follow through out of respect for his position. So she dutifully called him and agreed to meet. There she related part of her story and began to cry, and cry, and cry. He went and got a box of Kleenex!

She agreed to meet him several more times during which Betty started to argue with him. Did he really believe the Bible was true? Yes! Did he believe in miracles? Yes! How could he be sure of such things? She stated that she might believe in Jesus if she could see a present day resurrection. The fact that the disciples wrote down first-hand accounts of Jesus resurrection was not enough for her.

The hardest thing for her to admit was that she needed a Savior. She was a good person. And don’t all good people have a life of rest after they depart this life? At times during the divorce Betty considered driving her car into a lake and dying. Then, she reasoned, her ashes could be sprinkled in her garden, and she would be at peace.

Her divorce was finalized in 2007. Peace continued to elude her, but she came to church on Sundays and Bible study on Wednesdays consistently. She had many questions, and she didn’t always get answers, but everybody at Waxahachie Bible Church showed her much love and patiently assured her that none of us were good enough to deserve God’s grace: it was a free gift that He freely gave to all who would believe in Jesus Christ for salvation. Such a salvation in turn assures the believer of an eternal home with God after this life is through.

Betty read a small book by Andy Stanley entitled, HOW GOOD IS GOOD ENOUGH? In fact, she read it twice. One Sunday, Pastor Bruce asked if anyone in the audience wanted to place their faith in Christ. I was sitting next to her on that particular day, and after noticing her head bowed and hearing her sigh, I asked her if she wanted to do that. Quietly she said “yes”. The day was January 4, 2009.

Were all her questions answered? No. Did she ever get to witness a current day resurrection? No. But she had peace. The turbulent seas of rejection had nearly engulfed her--twice. But now she finally knew the God who loved her, watched over her, and had guided her into a safe harbor, giving her security about her future destiny; He also provided her a new family, the family of believers. Having never had a mother who loved her, Betty now had at least four or five loving moms, including mine and Pastor’s!! 

Were all her problems solved with the waving of some magic wand? No. But God had some more adventures in store for her. He planned a way for her needs to be provided. That is part three of this story. It is a story in itself of how Betty went back to school, got her teacher certification, and began to help other troubled students. She had experienced what it was like to be a troubled student and knew her one teacher in grade school had made a difference in her life. Perhaps she could become that kind of teacher and do for others what her teacher in China had done for her.

Before I close this section, I would like to relay one more incident that highlights this transformation in Betty’s life. During one of his sermon series, the pastor asked for volunteers to come be interviewed at church. These interviews would then be broadcast on the local radio station. Either Betty volunteered, or Pastor volunteered her! Either way she gave her interview. As she left the building and headed towards her car, she stopped and turned around and went back. She asked, “Could I change something I said?” Certainly, they could add it to the interview. She said, “I used to say ‘I was lucky!’ but the truth is that getting where I am now had nothing to do with luck. Please add, ‘It was a miracle!!’ ”